This week is the last week of school, which means final exams and projects, packing up my life in a dorm room, moving my things into storage, as well as my RA responsibilities that come with the end of the year - making sure all 24 rooms and 70 girls are checked out of their rooms and have cleaned it to "white glove" standard. The end of the semester also means final leadership team meetings, meetings with future leadership teams, organizing end-of-year projects with my Rwanda team, job interviews, final accountabilities with friends, oh and fitting in time to study for tests and write papers. Whoo. I'm tired just thinking about it all.
So the past week has been extremely stressful. The other night I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep, and for one of the first times I experienced true anxiety. My heart was beating fast and my mind was racing. How am I going to accomplish everything in just one week? How can I meet with all of these different people, do well on exams, turn in projects, pack my life up, and clean my whole room?
I was freaking out that night because I was realizing that I can't. There is no way that I can get everything done, but there is nothing that I can cut out. I have to do all of it, and meet with all of these people. I had to try to force myself to stop thinking about my list of things to do so that I could sleep, but all of the thoughts kept running through my head until those thoughts wore me out.
The next morning I was reading 1 Peter and was struck by verse 5-7, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."
Its not like this was the first time I had read these verses, but I think my eyes were finally opened to how to apply this to my life. God loves the humble in heart and shows them grace. He opposes the proud and they do not receive God's favor. So, this makes me want to be humble in everything because I so badly want to receive God's grace and mercy. I know that I am not perfect - and that is why I am humbled - I'm not always right and I fail so often. I need God's grace because of all the mistakes I make every day, and through all of it I can't stand without Him. I am humbled because I know I have done wrong, and I need God to make it right. I want to be rid of all my pride so that I can have more of God's grace.
The next part of the passage talks about casting anxiety on the Lord, but I think that the reason why we need to do that is because anxiety is a sign of pride, and God opposes the proud.
Its crazy how humility and casting anxiety off are connected. If I am anxious, then I am not trusting the Lord. I'm being prideful because I don't trust that God will take care of things - I am depending on myself to do things.
Humility brings peace because it means that I am recognizing that accomplishing everything does not depend on me at all, and I am depending on the Lord. I am humbled because I realize how small I am, and how capable God is in handling it. I cast my anxiety, which is prideful, off and pick up humility and peace, because I understand that I lay my pride and anxiety down to receive the grace that He gives through humility. When I am humble, God gives me the grace to make mistakes and know that I don't have to be perfect.
So, for all of you who are stressing about everything that you have to - take a deep breath, and understand that this season of busyness is not lasting. It will be over soon! In the mean time, cast off anxiety and the pride that comes with it, and have humility facing your long to-do list. It doesn't all depend on you. God can handle it.
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