5 lessons i'm learning in winter

As I described earlier in my blog post on winter, I have felt myself going to through a dry season in my relationship with God, where I don't feel like spending time with Him, and when I do, I don't feel like I'm learning anything.

I know I can't be the only one walking through this season, so here are some lessons that I'm learning in the midst of it. These are the thoughts that I have as I persevere:

1. God understands the place I am in, and He does not condemn me for it. He is, in fact, comforting me as He tests me, and it is for my own good. 

2. I'm learning how to not base my faith on my emotion. This is something I've learned so many times before, but now, on a deeper level.  I'm learning to press on even when I don't feel like it.  Because I'm not always going to "feel" like doing things that are good for me, and spending time with Jesus is no different. 

3. I'm still in this season because I have to learn something that God could not teach me in any other way.  During the winter, God is sharpening us and working on us, but we can't see it until the spring.  

4. As I said before, I can't be the only one walking through a winter season in my faith.  All Christians go through season like this one. I'm not abnormal for not feeling motivated to spend time with God.  It doesn't mean that we're bad Christians because we feel distant.  Being honest about this season with others makes me realize that I'm not alone in it.  

5. This season will surely pass. Winter will not last forever. Spring will come. And surely, it is on its way.  "Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert." - Isaiah 43:19. 

What is something you've learned after coming out of a dry, wintery season? What is something you wish you had known while you were walking through it?

the winter of my faith

I'm sitting in my kitchen early this morning.  It is currently 4 degrees outside, and for the past two days I've stayed home, bundled up inside due to the snow storm "Hercules" that brought Connecticut a fresh foot of snow. 

To me, snow is nice for a few hours, and after that I'm done with it. Then, you try to go outside and realize you should have warmed up your car before you had to leave.  You wear layers, and always wish your winter jacket was a little bit warmer and a little bit more fashionable.  Last night, I couldn't sleep because I kept debating whether I should get up to get gloves to keep my fingers warm. The roads are icy and dangerous. The once magical snowfall that brought joy to children because of cancelled classes, is now filthy and slushy from finally being plowed. 

I'm not a huge fan of winter.

Sure, I love Christmas and scarves and hot coffee.  But this winter, I'm reminded so much more of why it is the most difficult and hard season.

For the past 6 months I've been going through a season in my faith that I have been calling "winter." 

I've been calling it winter because, like the weather season we're in now, things have gotten dark in my faith, my heart seems cold towards His word, and things that used to be exciting and lively are now dead.  God seems absent, just like the warmth of the weather outside. 

This season is full of testing and difficulty.  God is the only one who can help me endure through it, but He seems like the hardest one to talk to.

The winter of my faith has been marked by feelings of discouragement, absence, and cold-heartedness.  

Winter is the season where God tests you in order to make your faith stronger and to draw you closer to Him, but you just can't understand why it's so hard.

If you've been a Christian for some time, you either have gone through a season that is like this, or you will go through it if you haven't already. I have gone through a period in my faith like this multiple times before, however this time has seemed like the longest and most difficult one. 

Source: pivotcon.com

We will all endure through seasons of winter.  Its a part of life, and God definitely uses hard and difficult seasons to actually draw you closer to Him. You don't have to be ashamed of feeling distant from God, or for enduring trials that make it hard to feel God's joy.  The Bible even shares stories about people who go through a wintery season in their life.  Lamentations 3:16-18:

He has made my teeth grind on gravel, and made me cower in ashes; my soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, “My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the Lord.”

Teeth grinding, ashes, lack of peace, and forgetting happiness. I don't think it can get much worse than that.  Almost every person spoken about in the Bible has gone through a period of trials.  Ever read the book of Psalms? Its filled with honest prayers that express the difficulty of a dry season, where God seems hard to reach.  Even Jesus questioned, "God, why have you forsaken me?"

But as I reflect on this season, I'm reminded that the winter can still be beautiful. Winter is beautiful because of what comes when winter is over: Spring.

Spring. New life. A fresh start. Resurrection.  Death is overcome, and life begins again.

And just a few sentences after the words about teeth grinding and endurance perishing, Lamentations 3:21-23 brings some of the most encouraging and hopeful words I have ever heard:

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

Spring is the new mercies coming in the morning. Spring comes when your faith is revived, and you suddenly realize that winter had to be endured for spring to be so sweet. 

My spring hasn't come yet.  I pray for it to come daily.  But, even though this winter seems to be one of the hardest seasons I've gone through and it has seemed like it is never going to end, the truth is that spring is coming.

And spring is worth the wait of a long, dreary, cold, dead winter. 

Source: http://blessedmama-wouldntchangeathing.blogspot.com/2013/01/never-cut-tree-down-in-wintertime.html


*Disclaimer: The idea of "seasons" and "winter" was from an incredible sermon by Miles Welch.  He preached a 5 week series called "Seasons of the Soul," which is available for free from 12 Stone Church on iTunes.   This ideas in this post are not originally my own, but have been adapted from his teaching. 

What I learned from fasting

2013 has come to an end, and with that has come the end of my shopping fast for the year.  If this is the first time you're hearing about this, read what I felt God pressing me to do for the past year on my post here.

I would have never thought I could have gone a year without shopping.  There were times when I considered myself "cheating" by buying new clothes for special occasions, but friends and family have reassured me that buying a new outfit for engagement pictures is acceptable. ;) Over the past year, I've been amazed by the generosity of my friends and family, some of them who may not even realize how they've inspired me.  My best friend Lexie, my fiance Tanner, and my sweet mom have bought me clothes this year when I wasn't expecting it, and so deeply encouraged me through that.  So many friends and mentors have encouraged and challenged me through my fast, and I learned from their wisdom and prayers for me. 

I definitely learned a lot from this fast, but overall, I wish that right now I felt differently.   This was the longest fast I've ever done, and it was definitely also one of the hardest things I've ever done.  By this point, I honestly expected myself to not even want to go shopping.  I thought that by fasting for a year, I wouldn't have a desire to spend loads of money on clothes that I probably don't need.  But honestly, today all I'm thinking is about when is the soonest time I can get to a mall.

Not to say I didn't learn anything.  I do have to say that I'm extremely proud of myself for actually following through on this and not giving up when it was difficult.  I learned that I don't need everything that I see.  I learned that its better to trust God with my needs than to provide them myself.  I learned what my needs truly are.  I learned that self-control is better than instant gratification, and money is better spent on more meaningful things.  I learned that simplicity is better than excess. 

I don't think its bad that I want to go shopping.  But every time I think about buying something, I think about how I could better spend the money. I've seen people across the world who barely have anything, yet I live with so much more than I need.   I'm living in a first world, but with the needs of the third world so heavy on my heart.  I'm still figuring out this balance in my life. 

By not buying clothes, I saved money and was able to use it for different purchases.  Not trying to toot my own horn, but I was able to start sponsoring a child in Rwanda, donate generously to different causes, raise money for people in need around the world, and give meaningful gifts to friends and family by honoring them as I donate to world relief organizations. The fact that I was able to use my money more effectively was something I wasn't expecting during this year, and if that's all that I get out of this year-long fast, I'm more than satisfied. 

This year, I want to continue the lifestyle I've been living.  I will continue fasting on the first day of every month to refocusing my heart on the Lord and trust and surrender to Him.  I will also continue to be generous to others by giving sacrificially each month.  

Overall, I want to live more simply, and live with less.