- Go on a bike ride
- Run 10 miles
- Fishing
- Watch a meteor shower
- Tie dye
- Sponge fight
- Watch all of the LOTR movies
- Sidewalk chalk
- Bowling
- Make my family breakfast
- Watch the sunrise on the beach
- S'mores!
- Pick berries and eat them
- Go on a picnic
- Camp out
- Play a board game
- Catch fireflies
- Root beer float
- Watch clouds
- Go to a baseball game
- Homemade banana split
- Dunkin Donuts run at midnight
- Make my own smoothie
- Iced coffee on my deck
- Wear a fake mustache all day
- Mini golf
- Read C.S. Lewis
- Play messy twister
- Make at least 5 recipes I've pinned
- Geocaching somewhere new
- Snail mail my friends :)
- Run a race
- Memorize 30 new verses of the Bible
- Day trip to NYC
- Day trip to Boston
- Paddle boarding
- Go to Mr. Chubbies for ice cream
- Go to Caffeine Coffee Shop in Sono
- Cranbury Park
- Crash a wedding
- Hike a mountain
- Beach volleyball
- Pull a prank
Thursday, May 30, 2013
Summer Bucket List
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
confessions of a retail saleswoman
Many of you know about my shopping fast that I began for the entire year of 2013 (read about it here). The beginning of my problem with shopping really began when I started working at my local Gap store last summer and realized I got 50% off of almost everything in the store. I went crazy, and most of my paychecks usually went right back to my store.
Well, this summer I decided that I would go back and work again at the Gap, since I was guaranteed to be hired again. Going back would be easy because I wouldn't have to job search and relearn a new position somewhere else. Some of my friends warned me that it would be too hard to maintain my fast while working in retail and I should try to find a new job, but I told them it was going to be easy.
Easy. HA! I sure ate those words.
Going to work for the first time was my first real time in a clothing store since December. Being in a retail store (not to mention one of my favorite stores) for around five hours a day is incredibly hard. The temptation to buy clothing is everywhere, and being there for so long has made me feel like I need clothes. At first, all I thought about was how I needed new shorts, the tank tops I own had shrunk, and I could get whatever I wanted for a much cheaper price. I literally prayed my way through my first day because I wanted to buy new clothes so bad. Some days as I've helped people find clothing, I would pick out my favorite items for them just so I can vicariously shop through them. Every single time I've worked, I walked out of the doors, breathed a huge sigh of relief, and thanked God for helping me make it through that day. I'm so thankful that most of the days I've worked this past week I've been put in the Kids and Baby department, so there is a little less temptation to buy those clothes. :)
This definitely was not the easy choice this summer. But I'm realizing that the more I work, the more I get used to being around the clothes, and the less I want to buy them. My perspective is shifting, and instead of thinking about how cheap I could get shirts or jeans, I'm thinking about all of the money I'm going to be able to save by not spending it on clothing. I'm also realizing how lucky and blessed I am to own so much already.
The difference is that last year, I went into this job selfishly last year, only thinking about getting the best clothing for a low price. This year, I went into this job without that expectation, and instead, I go into work praying for my coworkers and for the people I'm going to serve as I work. I pray for a joyful attitude, even though its hard being there. I'm praying for God to help me control my spending, and sometimes that He would make my taste in clothing change ;)
And what do ya know - I'm actually enjoying my job a LOT more than I did last summer! Even without the benefit of cheaper clothing, I know that I'm going to get more out of this job than before. This definitely isn't easy, but I know its the best thing for me right now.
Well, this summer I decided that I would go back and work again at the Gap, since I was guaranteed to be hired again. Going back would be easy because I wouldn't have to job search and relearn a new position somewhere else. Some of my friends warned me that it would be too hard to maintain my fast while working in retail and I should try to find a new job, but I told them it was going to be easy.
Easy. HA! I sure ate those words.
Going to work for the first time was my first real time in a clothing store since December. Being in a retail store (not to mention one of my favorite stores) for around five hours a day is incredibly hard. The temptation to buy clothing is everywhere, and being there for so long has made me feel like I need clothes. At first, all I thought about was how I needed new shorts, the tank tops I own had shrunk, and I could get whatever I wanted for a much cheaper price. I literally prayed my way through my first day because I wanted to buy new clothes so bad. Some days as I've helped people find clothing, I would pick out my favorite items for them just so I can vicariously shop through them. Every single time I've worked, I walked out of the doors, breathed a huge sigh of relief, and thanked God for helping me make it through that day. I'm so thankful that most of the days I've worked this past week I've been put in the Kids and Baby department, so there is a little less temptation to buy those clothes. :)
This definitely was not the easy choice this summer. But I'm realizing that the more I work, the more I get used to being around the clothes, and the less I want to buy them. My perspective is shifting, and instead of thinking about how cheap I could get shirts or jeans, I'm thinking about all of the money I'm going to be able to save by not spending it on clothing. I'm also realizing how lucky and blessed I am to own so much already.
The difference is that last year, I went into this job selfishly last year, only thinking about getting the best clothing for a low price. This year, I went into this job without that expectation, and instead, I go into work praying for my coworkers and for the people I'm going to serve as I work. I pray for a joyful attitude, even though its hard being there. I'm praying for God to help me control my spending, and sometimes that He would make my taste in clothing change ;)
And what do ya know - I'm actually enjoying my job a LOT more than I did last summer! Even without the benefit of cheaper clothing, I know that I'm going to get more out of this job than before. This definitely isn't easy, but I know its the best thing for me right now.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
when you don't feel like having your quiet time
I have a confession to make:
There are a lot of times when I really don't feel like having a "quiet time," or spending time reading the Bible or in prayer. There are a lot of times when I don't feel like going to church or acting "Christian" either.
I have another confession:
I hate admitting that I struggle with consistency in my quiet times. And I usually don't admit it. I fake it to myself, to others, and to God that I'm totally fine and not actually facing a season of dryness. I'm an RA at Liberty University, leading a hall of 60-70 girls, and have been a spiritual leader in my church at home in CT, so how could I admit that as such a responsible "leader" to others? I have too much weighing on my reputation to confess that sometimes I can go weeks without cracking open my Bible.
But I'm posting this confession on the internet because I've learned a lot through this struggle, and as I continue to press on in the midst of feeling spiritually dry, I hope this helps someone who is struggling too.
Because we all go through it. No one can be on a spiritual high forever. We can't spend our lives on top of the mountain. We grow from our times of dryness, our times of apathy, and our struggles. This is the only way that God can test us, shape us, and sharpen us.
I've been a Christian for eight years now, and I'm just now figuring out this pattern that I continually perform when I find myself in a season of apathy or spiritual dryness.
I can't even tell you how many times I have prolonged spending time with God because I've felt bad that I haven't given Him the time He deserved in the past. I waited to come to Him until I had earned my way to Him again - until I was good enough for Him to listen to.
But that wasn't right. I didn't have to wait to earn the right to be heard. He knows that we fail Him and that we aren't good enough - we will never be good enough for Him.
So I turned my season of dryness into a cycle that has repeated itself more times than I can count - I stop having a daily quiet time because I don't feel like it, then the guilt of not giving God the time He deserves keeps me away from Him, and I don't go to Him again until I feel like I've been good enough to earn it.
From my own personal experiences, the only way to get through a season where you don't feel like spending time with God is to push through it. A friend of mine once told me "fake it till you make it," and after thinking about it, I think that in this case it's true. Keep having a quiet time - even if the whole time you're telling God how much you don't want to talking Him at the moment.
Last week, I wrote this in my journal:
God, I'm going to be honest - right now I really just don't want to spend time with you. I'm bored with you and I'm not excited by you anymore. I want to spend time with you, but have no motivation to. I try to force myself to spend time with you, but I really don't feel like it.
But you know what? Those honest words weren't a surprise to Him. I can't hide behind a mask of "everything's fine" to Him when they're not. He wants us to go to Him in the midst of apathy and spiritual drought. He knows how we are anyways - why try to disguise it from God?
Another thing you can try when you don't feel like spending time with God is changing what you do for your usual quiet time. I will go on a run outside and pray as I run, or listen to podcasts from some of my favorite pastors. Sometimes I have to change what I'm reading in Scripture, or try reading another book altogether that might excite me about God again.
Or, try spending time with people who are thriving in their relationships with God. Their love and passion for Him might rub off and make you want to improve your relationship with Him.
Overall, the best thing I've learned to do when I don't feel like having my quiet time is to push through those feelings and have it anyways. Know that when you seek God and draw near to Him, He doesn't leave you there. He reaches His arms out to wherever you are.
Jeremiah 29:13 - "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
James 4:8 - "Come near to God and he will come near to you."
Endure through the feelings that fluctuate and prove your devotion to God by spending time in His Word when you don't want to. Our feelings will change constantly, but God never does.
And I know that God will once again give me the desire to want to spend time with Him. But until then, I will press on and learn that my relationship with Him isn't based on how I feel about Him on a day to day basis.
There are a lot of times when I really don't feel like having a "quiet time," or spending time reading the Bible or in prayer. There are a lot of times when I don't feel like going to church or acting "Christian" either.
I have another confession:
I hate admitting that I struggle with consistency in my quiet times. And I usually don't admit it. I fake it to myself, to others, and to God that I'm totally fine and not actually facing a season of dryness. I'm an RA at Liberty University, leading a hall of 60-70 girls, and have been a spiritual leader in my church at home in CT, so how could I admit that as such a responsible "leader" to others? I have too much weighing on my reputation to confess that sometimes I can go weeks without cracking open my Bible.
But I'm posting this confession on the internet because I've learned a lot through this struggle, and as I continue to press on in the midst of feeling spiritually dry, I hope this helps someone who is struggling too.
Because we all go through it. No one can be on a spiritual high forever. We can't spend our lives on top of the mountain. We grow from our times of dryness, our times of apathy, and our struggles. This is the only way that God can test us, shape us, and sharpen us.
I've been a Christian for eight years now, and I'm just now figuring out this pattern that I continually perform when I find myself in a season of apathy or spiritual dryness.
I can't even tell you how many times I have prolonged spending time with God because I've felt bad that I haven't given Him the time He deserved in the past. I waited to come to Him until I had earned my way to Him again - until I was good enough for Him to listen to.
But that wasn't right. I didn't have to wait to earn the right to be heard. He knows that we fail Him and that we aren't good enough - we will never be good enough for Him.
So I turned my season of dryness into a cycle that has repeated itself more times than I can count - I stop having a daily quiet time because I don't feel like it, then the guilt of not giving God the time He deserves keeps me away from Him, and I don't go to Him again until I feel like I've been good enough to earn it.
From my own personal experiences, the only way to get through a season where you don't feel like spending time with God is to push through it. A friend of mine once told me "fake it till you make it," and after thinking about it, I think that in this case it's true. Keep having a quiet time - even if the whole time you're telling God how much you don't want to talking Him at the moment.
Last week, I wrote this in my journal:
God, I'm going to be honest - right now I really just don't want to spend time with you. I'm bored with you and I'm not excited by you anymore. I want to spend time with you, but have no motivation to. I try to force myself to spend time with you, but I really don't feel like it.
But you know what? Those honest words weren't a surprise to Him. I can't hide behind a mask of "everything's fine" to Him when they're not. He wants us to go to Him in the midst of apathy and spiritual drought. He knows how we are anyways - why try to disguise it from God?
Another thing you can try when you don't feel like spending time with God is changing what you do for your usual quiet time. I will go on a run outside and pray as I run, or listen to podcasts from some of my favorite pastors. Sometimes I have to change what I'm reading in Scripture, or try reading another book altogether that might excite me about God again.
Or, try spending time with people who are thriving in their relationships with God. Their love and passion for Him might rub off and make you want to improve your relationship with Him.
Overall, the best thing I've learned to do when I don't feel like having my quiet time is to push through those feelings and have it anyways. Know that when you seek God and draw near to Him, He doesn't leave you there. He reaches His arms out to wherever you are.
Jeremiah 29:13 - "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
James 4:8 - "Come near to God and he will come near to you."
Endure through the feelings that fluctuate and prove your devotion to God by spending time in His Word when you don't want to. Our feelings will change constantly, but God never does.
And I know that God will once again give me the desire to want to spend time with Him. But until then, I will press on and learn that my relationship with Him isn't based on how I feel about Him on a day to day basis.
Monday, May 6, 2013
on humility and anxiety
This week is the last week of school, which means final exams and projects, packing up my life in a dorm room, moving my things into storage, as well as my RA responsibilities that come with the end of the year - making sure all 24 rooms and 70 girls are checked out of their rooms and have cleaned it to "white glove" standard. The end of the semester also means final leadership team meetings, meetings with future leadership teams, organizing end-of-year projects with my Rwanda team, job interviews, final accountabilities with friends, oh and fitting in time to study for tests and write papers. Whoo. I'm tired just thinking about it all.
So the past week has been extremely stressful. The other night I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep, and for one of the first times I experienced true anxiety. My heart was beating fast and my mind was racing. How am I going to accomplish everything in just one week? How can I meet with all of these different people, do well on exams, turn in projects, pack my life up, and clean my whole room?
I was freaking out that night because I was realizing that I can't. There is no way that I can get everything done, but there is nothing that I can cut out. I have to do all of it, and meet with all of these people. I had to try to force myself to stop thinking about my list of things to do so that I could sleep, but all of the thoughts kept running through my head until those thoughts wore me out.
The next morning I was reading 1 Peter and was struck by verse 5-7, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."
Its not like this was the first time I had read these verses, but I think my eyes were finally opened to how to apply this to my life. God loves the humble in heart and shows them grace. He opposes the proud and they do not receive God's favor. So, this makes me want to be humble in everything because I so badly want to receive God's grace and mercy. I know that I am not perfect - and that is why I am humbled - I'm not always right and I fail so often. I need God's grace because of all the mistakes I make every day, and through all of it I can't stand without Him. I am humbled because I know I have done wrong, and I need God to make it right. I want to be rid of all my pride so that I can have more of God's grace.
The next part of the passage talks about casting anxiety on the Lord, but I think that the reason why we need to do that is because anxiety is a sign of pride, and God opposes the proud.
Its crazy how humility and casting anxiety off are connected. If I am anxious, then I am not trusting the Lord. I'm being prideful because I don't trust that God will take care of things - I am depending on myself to do things.
Humility brings peace because it means that I am recognizing that accomplishing everything does not depend on me at all, and I am depending on the Lord. I am humbled because I realize how small I am, and how capable God is in handling it. I cast my anxiety, which is prideful, off and pick up humility and peace, because I understand that I lay my pride and anxiety down to receive the grace that He gives through humility. When I am humble, God gives me the grace to make mistakes and know that I don't have to be perfect.
So, for all of you who are stressing about everything that you have to - take a deep breath, and understand that this season of busyness is not lasting. It will be over soon! In the mean time, cast off anxiety and the pride that comes with it, and have humility facing your long to-do list. It doesn't all depend on you. God can handle it.
So the past week has been extremely stressful. The other night I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep, and for one of the first times I experienced true anxiety. My heart was beating fast and my mind was racing. How am I going to accomplish everything in just one week? How can I meet with all of these different people, do well on exams, turn in projects, pack my life up, and clean my whole room?
I was freaking out that night because I was realizing that I can't. There is no way that I can get everything done, but there is nothing that I can cut out. I have to do all of it, and meet with all of these people. I had to try to force myself to stop thinking about my list of things to do so that I could sleep, but all of the thoughts kept running through my head until those thoughts wore me out.
The next morning I was reading 1 Peter and was struck by verse 5-7, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you, casting all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."
Its not like this was the first time I had read these verses, but I think my eyes were finally opened to how to apply this to my life. God loves the humble in heart and shows them grace. He opposes the proud and they do not receive God's favor. So, this makes me want to be humble in everything because I so badly want to receive God's grace and mercy. I know that I am not perfect - and that is why I am humbled - I'm not always right and I fail so often. I need God's grace because of all the mistakes I make every day, and through all of it I can't stand without Him. I am humbled because I know I have done wrong, and I need God to make it right. I want to be rid of all my pride so that I can have more of God's grace.
The next part of the passage talks about casting anxiety on the Lord, but I think that the reason why we need to do that is because anxiety is a sign of pride, and God opposes the proud.
Its crazy how humility and casting anxiety off are connected. If I am anxious, then I am not trusting the Lord. I'm being prideful because I don't trust that God will take care of things - I am depending on myself to do things.
Humility brings peace because it means that I am recognizing that accomplishing everything does not depend on me at all, and I am depending on the Lord. I am humbled because I realize how small I am, and how capable God is in handling it. I cast my anxiety, which is prideful, off and pick up humility and peace, because I understand that I lay my pride and anxiety down to receive the grace that He gives through humility. When I am humble, God gives me the grace to make mistakes and know that I don't have to be perfect.
So, for all of you who are stressing about everything that you have to - take a deep breath, and understand that this season of busyness is not lasting. It will be over soon! In the mean time, cast off anxiety and the pride that comes with it, and have humility facing your long to-do list. It doesn't all depend on you. God can handle it.
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