What I learned from fasting

2013 has come to an end, and with that has come the end of my shopping fast for the year.  If this is the first time you're hearing about this, read what I felt God pressing me to do for the past year on my post here.

I would have never thought I could have gone a year without shopping.  There were times when I considered myself "cheating" by buying new clothes for special occasions, but friends and family have reassured me that buying a new outfit for engagement pictures is acceptable. ;) Over the past year, I've been amazed by the generosity of my friends and family, some of them who may not even realize how they've inspired me.  My best friend Lexie, my fiance Tanner, and my sweet mom have bought me clothes this year when I wasn't expecting it, and so deeply encouraged me through that.  So many friends and mentors have encouraged and challenged me through my fast, and I learned from their wisdom and prayers for me. 

I definitely learned a lot from this fast, but overall, I wish that right now I felt differently.   This was the longest fast I've ever done, and it was definitely also one of the hardest things I've ever done.  By this point, I honestly expected myself to not even want to go shopping.  I thought that by fasting for a year, I wouldn't have a desire to spend loads of money on clothes that I probably don't need.  But honestly, today all I'm thinking is about when is the soonest time I can get to a mall.

Not to say I didn't learn anything.  I do have to say that I'm extremely proud of myself for actually following through on this and not giving up when it was difficult.  I learned that I don't need everything that I see.  I learned that its better to trust God with my needs than to provide them myself.  I learned what my needs truly are.  I learned that self-control is better than instant gratification, and money is better spent on more meaningful things.  I learned that simplicity is better than excess. 

I don't think its bad that I want to go shopping.  But every time I think about buying something, I think about how I could better spend the money. I've seen people across the world who barely have anything, yet I live with so much more than I need.   I'm living in a first world, but with the needs of the third world so heavy on my heart.  I'm still figuring out this balance in my life. 

By not buying clothes, I saved money and was able to use it for different purchases.  Not trying to toot my own horn, but I was able to start sponsoring a child in Rwanda, donate generously to different causes, raise money for people in need around the world, and give meaningful gifts to friends and family by honoring them as I donate to world relief organizations. The fact that I was able to use my money more effectively was something I wasn't expecting during this year, and if that's all that I get out of this year-long fast, I'm more than satisfied. 

This year, I want to continue the lifestyle I've been living.  I will continue fasting on the first day of every month to refocusing my heart on the Lord and trust and surrender to Him.  I will also continue to be generous to others by giving sacrificially each month.  

Overall, I want to live more simply, and live with less.

a not-so-new year's resolution

Its never too late for a New Year's Resolution post, is it? Well, this is about 2 weeks too late, but I've been trying to wrap my head around it and I didn't want to post this lightly.

So, drumroll please....I'm starting 2013 by not shopping for the entire year.  This means clothing, shoes, accessories, and jewelry. 

I'm pretty embarrassed about writing this because its hard for me to admit that I have a problem with shopping...but before I start, I also have some specific reasons why I wanted to share this on my blog.

1. I need accountability for this. I know myself, and so I know that if other people don't know, I will really quickly back out on this.  I want other people to read this and know what I'm doing so that I don't find a way out of it myself.
2. I know this is an area that God has convicted me in, and I'm trying to do as much as I can to get more of him in my life. This is not at ALL trying to boast about what a great resolution I have and blah blah blah because this is totally from the Lord and not from me. Please know that I am saying all of this out of a place of humility.

Let me start from the beginning.

Last summer I read a book called "7" by Jen Hatmaker (Read more about her here). Jen writes about her experiment to get rid of the excess in her life.  She fasts from 7 different categories for one month each, and writes about what the Lord taught her through her "deeply reduced life."  She only ate seven foods, wore seven articles of clothing, spent money in seven places, eliminated the use of seven media types, gave away seven things a day, adopted seven "green" habits, and prayed seven times a day (summarized from the back cover of Seven by Jen Hatmaker). She did all of this in order to make more room for Christ in her life.

This book ruined me.  As I read about Jen's fight against the excess and materialism in her life, I felt SO convicted about all of the excess in my own.  I realized through her fiery passion to help the poor, needy, and broken that I was ignoring the needs of others around me and letting myself remain comfortable in my plethora of money, clothing, food, and media. 

But all of these convictions about my "stuff" and how many "things" I had quickly came and left in about 7 days.  When I wasn't filling my mind with the biblical truth coming from her book, I quickly returned to my love of indulging...or specifically my love of shopping. I didn't allow the things that I read change me, and I most definitely didn't put any of it into action. I just thought that I would do something radical like that when I had more time, or a real job, or another lame excuse.

So as the end of 2012 approached, I started thinking about making New Year's Resolutions.  And immediately, this crazy idea popped in my head of not shopping for a year. And this crazy thought would not leave not matter how hard I tried.

I tried to make it seem as if this was just something crazy in my head and not something from the Lord.  It didn't really work. These are some of the things that God was revealing to me about my shopping habits as I prayed:

• Over the past six months I have quickly spiraled into a cycle of "more" - always trying to obtain something new whenever I pleased. When I saw something that I wanted, I bought it.  If I couldn't find it in a store, I ordered it online.  And yeah, I am a pretty good bargain hunter, but that didn't matter when I just bought more to make up for all that I was "saving."  It also didn't help me that I worked at The Gap all summer and enjoyed a 50% discount on everything. Yikes.

• I started to notice that shopping has become something that I find security in, rather than putting it in the Lord.  When I felt sad or didn't feel pretty I would buy something new to make up for it.  When I wanted to reward myself for working hard, I bought a new shirt.  When I wanted to relax, I shopped.  When I was bored, I went to the mall for fun. I'm sick of justifying my lack of self control with those excuses.  

• Sadly enough, I really think that I have enough clothes to last me a year.  I have so much more than I need, and I think I need to prove that to myself by not getting any more. 

•  Lastly, the more that I prayed about not shopping for a year, the more I didn't want to do it, and the more I didn't want to do it, the more I knew that I needed to. If that's not a sign of an idol, then I don't know what is. 

I'm going into this resolution thinking of this as a fast.  Jen defines a fast as "an intentional reduction, a deliberate abstinence to summon God's movement in my life."  I want so much more of God and much less of me.  I want to rely on Him when I felt weak, and let God be my security. Instead of more things, I want more of Him. 

I also am really interested to see how God provides for me.  One of my "guidelines" for this fast is that I will accept something as a gift, but only if its meant for that reason.  I'm not just going to let me parents take me on a shopping spree - that defeats the purpose.  The point is that I'm not obtaining clothing or shoes for myself this year so that I can fill that void with more of Jesus.

However, there are some events going on in 2013 that I really do probably need to buy something for.  Instead of breaking the fast to buy those things, I'm going to pray that God moves in the hearts of others to give me something as a gift. If a person wants to give me something as a blessing, and not because I'm asking for it, then I will accept. And if God doesn't provide the things that I truly need, I'm going to have to learn to be thankful for what I have.

I'm going to learn self control, gratitude, and that its okay to wear the same outfit twice in a short time span. Not to mention I'm definitely going to use my money in much wiser ways. 

This is my "7" challenge and resolution for the year (Thanks for the inspiration, Jen ;) ).  This is my personal fight against materialism and consumerism in my life.  And praise God, I'm finally getting excited about it and not suffering through it (yet!). I'm hoping and praying for more of God and much less of me.

17 days down!